WHEN CHRISTMAS TREES FIGHT BACK

I have to come back to this subject of Christmas trees hauled to the curb long after Christmas. Why? Because in addition to being an eyesore, they're also a friggin' road hazard, apparently.

One tree in particular, placed on the curb that happens to be right outside my first-floor apartment, is definitely out to get someone.

Two weeks ago, I was walking down the sidewalk on the way to my car when a gust of wind caught this nicely rounded, rather large tree and rolled it into the road, a fairly heavily traveled three-lane street. I thought about darting into traffic to grab the runaway tree, but when I saw that the first car barrelling in my direction was driven by someone who was yapping on a cell phone and OBVIOUSLY not paying attention to anything, I thought better of it. Smart move, as he plowed directly into the tree. I watched as he stopped his car, got out to inspect what had happened ("Person, or tree? I dunno, I was on my phone! I can't be expected to look at what I'm driving into!"), tossed the tree disgustedly back to the curb, got back on his cell phone, and drove away.

Tonight it is windy again, and dang if that very same tree (because, news flash folks, the city expects you to bring your tree out to the curb reasonably soon after Christmas, because it has better things to do -- like give parking tickets! -- than patrol for rogue trees all year long) didn't roll back into the street sometime after I turned off the porch light around midnight.

Here's what a Christmas tree in the middle of the street in the middle of the night looks like (click for larger image):

I thought since the street has a low speed limit and is straight and flat and mostly deserted at night, and since people use headlights most times, people would see the tree in plenty of time to choose a non-Christmas-treed lane. But no. In the time it took me to write the part of the post above the photo, two people ran the tree clean over -- without stopping -- and another slammed on the brakes just before it, then carefully drove around it ... and away.

So, being the nice person I am, I ran outside in the pouring rain at 2:30 a.m. and pulled what was left of the tree -- mainly the trunk -- to the curb. YOU'RE WELCOME, people of Raleigh. My hands will be sticky and smell like sap for the next three days, I hope you're happy. Also? Santa, if you're reading this, the former owners of this tree definitely deserve a lump of coal this year. I know you're watching, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Comments

[Karen]

This is really, really, really funny. The photo makes it even funnier.

I knew a guy who plowed into an old, enormous cabinet television that had somehow landed in the middle of a poorly lit intersection. It wrecked his car, so it wasn't funny to him, but I found the sentence "This is the corner where I hit that TV" oddly amusing.

[Carlton Swift]

You missed an opportunity - you should have found some super cheap-o decorations and decorated it. In the middle of the road.